Faltering

So the past few days have been pretty good ones, but I can still see my old patterns creeping in again. After visiting my doctor and getting a clean bill of health, I started to let myself off the hook. I saw that I had gained three pounds, I got the verbal "okay" from my doctor to stop obsessing over my weight because I feel healthy, and I've been feeling well. So naturally, I let myself slip a little bit. I haven't put really any pressure on myself to maintain a high-calorie diet. (I mean, I did for a few days, but I know I have yo-yo-ing tendencies.) Generally, I feel like I've given myself a little wiggle room, I slight cushion of weight gain, and then I say, to myself, Well, pressure's off now, Brit! And then I give myself permission to not eat a big breakfast so I can sleep in a little later, or not bring a lunch to work and buy something less high calorie (but tastier) at a sandwich shop or something, and then do something stupid like eat cereal and a cupcake for dinner. And then I lose. I always figure that I won't be able to notice any changes in my body if I skimp a few days, but I usually can. Three pounds seems to make a lot of difference on a skinny body. Today I noticed the bones of my shoulder blades protruding out of my tank top while walking past a dark glass window downtown. Bam. Wake up call. Better stop dickin' around.
I really need to find balance more than anything. Balance between cutting myself some slack and pushing to improve my health.